[If you haven’t read the previous posts in this series you can find them here: Pt. 1 here; Pt. 2 here; Pt. 3 here; Pt. 4 here; Pt. 5 here; Pt. 6 here.]
When I walked away from my Oneness Pentecostal roots it was not pretty. I spent four years at a college that I wished I had never known to exist. I was around a church community for a decade and a half that was ready to quickly disown me once it saw my beliefs on certain matters were changing. There was a tension between myself and some friends and family that I could attribute to nothing more than these differences. I wasn’t sure what to think about Christianity in general.
I was blessed to have found a church and a pastor that patiently guided me through my transition. Many of the people I met had similar experiences. I think we mutually assisted each other in finding a place of sanity. We created a safe environment for recovery. I don’t know what I would have done without some of these people.
Yet even to this day when I hear certain names of some people I cringe. I confess that I have a hard time mustering up any kind words to say about them. When I hear what is preached in some of the pulpits of various churches associated with Oneness Pentecostalism it bothers me more than any asinine thing that Pat Robertson or John MacArthur could say because I have been directly impacted by people in the Oneness circles. I can relate because I have been there and it brings very bad memories to the forefront of my mind.
For a time I had to block out anything I heard. I had to avoid talking to those still in those circles because I couldn’t maintain composure in the face of some absurdities. Even now (ask my closest friends) some news of what happens in those circles can cause a profanity to fall from my lips. It is really, really hard to avoid becoming bitter.
Yet you must do your best.
One thing you cannot let happen once you have moved along is that you never let your mind become free from past experiences. As the old saying goes, “You can take someone out of Egypt, but can you take Egypt out of them?” You can leave the abusive church, or the misguided church, or the sectarian church, but can you get those experiences out of you?
Not completely. You’ll probably always carry some baggage. You’ll always have some hurts that don’t go away, some broken friendships that you miss, some days you wish you could relive.
Some of you may even wonder what it would have been like to remain. While there are some awkward moments being part of a sectarian community one thing that is hard to deny is that there sure is community. As long as you are a “company man” you’ll receive all the support one could ever need. This is why many shut up, quench their doubts, and stay put.
I don’t have a five step plan for overcoming the bitterness that may infiltrate your heart. I do know you should pray. I do know you should read Scripture for the sake of reading Scripture and not for the sake of being able to defend yourself against your old Oneness Pentecostal friends. I do know you should try to find a new church community to love and by whom to be loved.
I’d even recommend you try to think of some positives you gained. I realized that if nothing else I heard about Jesus, a lot, thanks to Oneness Pentecostals. I was taught to read Scripture (even if the hermeneutic was a bit twisted). I was taught to seek the leading of the Spirit and I am even a continuationist to this day! I was given a moral foundation upon which to build (and some legalism that needed to be torn down). Finally, I met people that have been life long friends that I would never had known had I not been in a Oneness Pentecostal church and in one of their colleges.
At the end of the day you are where you are. Your story is your story. You can speak to people in certain situations that others do not know how to address. You learned some things that were positive and some things to avoid.
At the end of the day God has been good. God has been with you. God has shown you his love revealed in his Son by his Spirit. Yes, you have baggage, but everyone does. Now you need to decide what that baggage teaches you and if there is anything redeemable. But don’t get bitter. Don’t let your bad experiences have the last word. You have too much future ahead of you for that.
Tomorrow I will say some final words on this matter and put the links to all the posts in one place so you can share them with others if you so desire.
the archives near Emmaus 
I appreciate your candor and articulateness, Brian. I’ve found that there are a number of demonic doctrinal positions that are entrenched in the different denominations right alongside some very Biblical truths. It’s a wheat/tares principal, it seems. The denominations that have hurt me have also shaped me indelibly for the better… though to be fair, one is never hurt by an organization as much as by individuals within it.
Forgiveness against individuals, I think you noted, is what’s far more important than forgiveness against organizations. It seems to me as someone who has been burned by heretics/fundamentalists/carnal people in a number of denominations (haven’t we all?), the fight against bitterness is often more critical than the fight for the righting the ship of our doctrine. We can sail into calmer waters (ie right teaching), but if our ship is rotting (ie bitterness in our heart), we’ll sink no matter how good the environment.
It’s not surprising that Oneness leads to critical, harsh, and narrow thinking in a number of people who embrace it. It seems theologically consistent when you take away the Trinity. It takes two for love to occur.
I’ve seen a lot of friends swing way left in reaction against judgmentalism, and in the process have thrown away judgment and justice. I’m glad to read the result of God’s healing grace in your heart. Keep writing. It’s beneficial, as well as informative for those who are working through their own stuff.
Thanks for sharing your story Brian. Coming out of any long term abuse situation requires time, healing and forgiveness and very importantly a supportive network of people who will gently minister to you and allow you to be you.
@Nate: Yes, it is the individuals who need forgiving. I think the systemic problems in Oneness Pentecostalism can’t be “forgiven” since the only way to forgive a misguided system is to subject one’s self to it all over again. That is not an option.
@Craig: You’re welcome. I know you have a story as well. It is a bit different than my own, but I think whatever similarities we can find help us to be more gracious and understanding of each other and others who go through similar struggles.
Having a church turn their back on you hurts. The story of David running from Saul and making friends with the riff raff of society 😉 became my story…
Looking back I am glad I have travelled it. I understand more about ministering to the broken now – then I ever did before.
@Craig: Oddly, as funny as this sounds, I took solace in the Saul-David narrative as well. Actually, I thought of my pastor this way to some extent because I knew I had to find a way to navigate the politics of being in a college where your pastor had to say you could stay while I was changing my beliefs. I wanted to finish my degree, so I didn’t let anyone know what I was rethinking.
Finally I escaped and oddly enough his oldest son is one of my best friends to this day and he was my close friend for many years although I did not get along with his father. As you can guess he became the Jonathan of my story and he will always be a dear, dear friend because of his loyalty to me through the whole thing.
@Brian:Very true what you mentioned about being unable to forgive a system. Again, I guess it goes without saying that since a system is impersonal it can’t offend against one personally, therefore can’t be forgiven personally. It is an idealogical fortress that allows for people to hide and shoot at the godly from cover. The only way is to tear it down with spiritual weapons (2 Cor 10:3-5).
Brian, Thanks for sharing. From post 1 up to this one, your story sounds incredibly familiar to mine.
When I left, I was afraid that I would lose my friends and be rejected by my family. They both happened, albeit to a certain degree. I was so lost and confused that I was reading into everything but thankfully the Holy Spirit led me and gave me patience in my search. I landed somewhere that is considered reformed. Yet now, this community of believers is one of the greatest gifts Jesus could have gave me. I’m praying for all those on this journey.
Thanks again, brian.
Julio: You’re welcome.
Were you by chance speaking of Indiana Bible College? My story is very similar to your story. There are many scars and wounds that I have had to work very hard to overcome (and I still have not completely overcame them). I too get upset, cringe, etc. when I hear stories about the things that continue to go on with individuals and with the organization itself. All of my upbringing, both friends and family, was nothing but oneness pentecostals so one can see the obvious difficulty in splitting from it. I honestly consider my love for theology, philosophy and apologetics my biggest thing gained from leaving the oneness (modalist) pentecostals. Had it not been for the need to study and give sound interpretation of the scriptures, I would never have gotten into apologetics. A thoughtful Christianity makes me very happy these days. One thing I have learned over the last five years is the power of ‘choosing your battles’. When I first left I would try to answer every argument/bad theology or philosophy that was raised by members of my family and friends. Honestly 99.9% were and are not ready to here it. What I learned was to only choose battles worth “dying” in. I would encourage EVERYONE to read Greg Koukl’s book, “Tactics: A game plan for discussing your Christian convictions”. The book really helped me learn how to ask certain questions to keep me in the drivers seat with these and other peoples of all different belief types/backgrounds. A simple “what do you mean by that?” goes very far with the oneness pentecostals because most of them are so socialized that even they don’t usually know what they mean by what they say. Thank you for your thoughtful and gracious guide to exiting oneness pentecostalism.
@Jordan:
I attended Christian Life College (Stockton, CA) from 2001-2005. Like you, so can I credit the Oneness Pentecostals for my drive to better understand Scripture and Christian theology. It seems that it is one gift that the movement gave both of us!
Likewise, you are 100% correct that many “battles” over doctrinal issues with Oneness Pentecostals are not worth engaging. Often there is more heat produced than light. It sometimes takes years for people to come to a place where they are ready to have a healthy conversation (if they ever get there) so it is better to wait it out that duke it out.
Both Brian and Jordan backslid and left and I wonder if we will know the real reason?
Know this, hell wil be hot for the both of you. Hell enlarged itself and will hold Billions of trinitarians and the backslid Oneness. But you are a drop in the bucket compared to the numbers that leave trinitarianism and it’s false lies {me for one, 35 yrs ago}.
There is no trinity and to say there is , is to lie for satan and his Roman Catholic cult, the MYSTERY BABYLON religion, the Harlot daughters of her as well.
Aaron AKA Scmit on CARM ONENESS BOARD .
….wow.
@Ryan: Don’t mind Aaron, I’ve read some of his comments on CARM and I am convinced he is either mentally impaired or just plain hateful. Either way, he’s crazy.
@Brian: I figured as much. He makes Oneness Pentecostals seem like its an Outlaw Motorcycle Gang…blood in/blood out.
He thinks I am a “rock band player”! See the thread here: http://forums.carm.org/vbb/showthread.php?57424-Walk-On-A-Guide-to-Exiting-from-Oneness-Pentecostalism!&p=1726576&posted=1
Haha! You’re such a heretic, you guitar-strumming, cymbal banging, bass slapping backslider.
Hey, he compared you to Gregory Boyd…that’s an honor in my eyes.
Greg Boyd is a former Oneness Pentecostal as well. He wrote a polemical work against Oneness Pentecostals titled Oneness Pentecostals and the Trinity back in 1992 that put them on his hit list (though he has been busy with other, larger controversies since then). I don’t think he pays them much attention though!
let’s not throw out the baby with the bathwater.The apostles creed asks us to heartily confess the trinity not know all about it. So those of us escaped from Jesus only sects should remember we are that baby