WARNING: In what follows, rather than presenting a polished, well-reasoned blog post, I will be offering up my feelings (ugh, doesn’t that word just ooze yuckiness?), and quite likely reveal my own ignorance on a number of issues pertaining to higher education (theological and otherwise).
In about three weeks, I will walk across a stage at Friendship Baptist Church in Kansas City, MO, and receive my diploma for a Master of Arts in Theological Studies degree. Last week I put the finishing touches on my master’s thesis, a socio-rhetorical study of the questions of Jesus in the Gospel of Luke, and for the next two weeks I will be focusing all my efforts on clearing two more papers in time for graduation. Overall, seminary has been a satisfying experience. I have had my faith challenged and I have struggled (and continue to struggle) with belief in God, but I have enjoyed the luxury of time devoted to rigorous theological and biblical research.
After spending two years in the MDiv program at my seminary, I chose to switch to the MATS because the latter featured 1) a heavier focus on research, and 2) a more theological approach to seminary education, as opposed to the pastor-as-counselor approach which is fast becoming the norm for MDiv programs everywhere (and churches, too—whatever happened to the pastor-theologian?). I don’t regret my decision. The closer I get to graduation, however, the more I am asked by my friends and family, “So what are you going to do? Are you going to get a PhD?” My gut reaction is usually to say “Yes.”
But saying “Yes” is complicated. My MATS program has brought me to the door of doctoral work but isn’t quite enough to get me over the threshold. The gaping hole in my education is Biblical languages. In a city with so many seminaries, trying to find regular Greek and Hebrew classes in Kansas City is surprisingly akin to looking for water in the desert. I have six hours of Koine (the requirement for the MATS with an emphasis in New Testament), but no Hebrew. Most PhD programs require at least 12 hours of Koine (for NT students) and 6 hours of Hebrew, in addition to competence in Theological French and German. I would need another 1-2 years of language classes alone to even qualify for admission (although I am aware that most doctoral programs typically leave some room for language study during the first year). I would also have to retake the GRE. My seminary’s GRE-score standards for admission are pretty low, so I didn’t have to try too hard the first time in order to be accepted. Now I’m regretting that I didn’t do it right the first time.
I’m also not looking forward to traveling all over God’s green earth for a job, especially when my family has deep roots in the Ozarks of Southeast Missouri. At the risk of sounding whiny, I’m a small-town rural kid; my hometown is less than 400 people, and my entire family lives within a 10-mile radius. I don’t think I’d like to move much farther away than I currently am (though I know this is unrealistic).
A further complication: I am a man of many (let me stress that: many) interests. New Testament is my passion. But so is theology. And ethics. I have a serious inclination toward studying what the biblical narrative has to offer the contemporary struggle for non-human animal liberation (as I type this, a copy of SBL’s new Semeia volume, The Bible and Posthumanism, sits on my bedside shelf). Or maybe this is just a “phase” I’m going through. I don’t know. As an English major, literature is another one of my passions—particular the works of Flannery O’Connor. As I begin to consider PhD programs, I find myself pulled in a lot of directions, and they are all directions I want to go, but without sacrificing the other possible directions. Anyone know of a good PhD program where I can study New Testament, theology, ethics, animal liberation, and the works of Flannery O’Connor? No? I didn’t think so.
While I have considered a number of schools (though several of them are probably a bit out of my range, both in price and academic skill), I have grown disheartened by the extreme specialization of most available PhD programs. For instance, as I mentioned above, my master’s thesis focuses on Lukan rhetoric. During my research, I repeatedly encountered the works of Vernon Robbins and Mikeal Parsons. I would love to study with Parsons at Baylor (if they would have me, of course), but to commit to a program like that would probably be to commit to a very, very narrow discipline: Biblical Studies—New Testament—Luke—Rhetorical Criticism. While Lukan rhetoric is a subject that holds my interest (at least enough for me to write 120 pages on it), it is also not something upon which I would want to “hang out my shingle” as an academic. I am interested in being well-rounded in the humanities, and at the end of the day my greatest passion is being able to teach others about the subjects I have already mentioned.
I have frequently considered returning to seminary following graduation in order to finish my MDiv, which would only require a few more courses, and then entering the ministry. But I struggle with my faith so often that it seems like it would be disingenuous of me to pastor a church, and I don’t have the “CEO/counselor” mentality many churches are looking for these days in a pastor. I don’t think I would enjoy it or find it fulfilling at all. On some romantic, Rev.-inspired level, maybe. But I’d prefer to just be the occasional speaker or pulpit-supply person. In my mind, having the opportunity to really pour your heart into a whiz-bang sermon a couple times a year is a much sweeter gig than having to deal with parishioners and the weekly demand for enlightened guidance and communal introspection all the time.
Right now I’m feeling the crushing weight of anxiety all around: anxiety about my career and my ability to help my spouse pay the bills; theological anxiety; vocational anxiety. I really just want to do what I do best: teaching and speaking. I frequently question what I am doing in academia. I know I can do the work, but sometimes I just get so tired. But then other times I have good days, and I feel intelligent and capable. In the meantime, though, I keep hearing that question over and over: “So what are you going to do? Are you going to get a PhD?”
the archives near Emmaus 
Dear Joshua,
Your confusion and struggles are entirely normal.
Since you are going to need, eventually, to step away from your small-town comfort zone I would encourage you to seriously consider biting the bullet and doing so right now. Here are a couple of options that might make a lot of sense:
1. Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary offers an MA in Biblical Languages. The language and exegesis professors at GCTS are first rate. You will also be able to take some classes at Harvard through exchange agreements (w/o paying additional tuition). A second degree from GCTS would greatly enhance the likelihood of actually getting into a top-notch PhD program and would also make it much more likely that you would get funding (Schools don’t like to fund students who need to spend much of their first two years acquiring language skills).
2. A second program worth considering is the MTS at Notre Dame. One of the distinct advantages of Notre Dame over Gordon-Conwell is that every student admitted to the MTS program receives a full tuition scholarship including taking Summer language courses. The MTS program is also specifically geared toward preparing you for PhD work. http://theology.nd.edu/graduate-programs/master-of-theological-studies/
I would add that shooting for the minimum language requirements is short sighted. If you want to pursue PhD studies in NT you will want to have at least three years of Greek (really – as much as you can possibly take) and two years of Hebrew as well as a good reading ability in German (French is generally both less important and easier to pick up than German).
Best wishes,
David
@Joshua:
I’ve been there. Heck, I’d say in some sense I remain there…here…wherever. The last two months before I began my doctoral program were exhausting and depressing because I was suffering from a combination of fear of the commitment and anxiety regarding my current sacrifices and the guaranteed future struggles. For example, this summer I will likely miss my brother’s pinning as a nurse and I will miss one of my best friend’s wedding because I will be in England. I live in Texas (would have never chose this for myself). Thus far I have yet to accomplish much that satisfies both outside academia and in it. I don’t make much money and I don’t foresee this changing any time soon. Yet I went ahead with it because after asking myself over and over again whether there was a realistic Plan B I realized I didn’t have one. It appears that in the past I both consciously and subconsciously knew the time would come when I would bolt if I could, so I consciously and subconsciously sabotaged all exit strategies. In other words, I “burned my ships” to prevent retreat.
I say that to say this: if there is an exit strategy consider it. If not, then move forward toward doctoral work hell or high water. When I chose to move forward it was with the realization that I may never teach. I may pastor (though like you it would take an exceptional work of grace for me to become pastoral material). I may direct education for a local Church. I may work for a magazine or book publisher. Who knows? Hopefully, I will find something that is related to my studies. In part, I chose to continue my education because I was able to say “yes” the sacrifice of a few more years and about the cost of a nice vehicle will be worth the experience and worth it to pursue the question(s) I seek to answer in my early thirties. I think if you’re comfortable giving 3-7 more years of your life, and the possible cost of an SUV to get there, then it may be worth it whether or not teaching is in your future (also, assuming your spouse is on-board).
Thanks, Brian. It’s good to know others are in the same boat. It seems like no one ever really talks about this liminal stage, which is one of the reasons I wrote this post.
I have a B.A. in English and a master’s in theology. I’m not sure if that constitutes self-sabotage, but it seems to me that if there is a Plan B, it’s probably working at Starbucks.
One of the things that I forgot to mention above is how sometimes the fast-paced academic world (especially online) frequently tires me out. I love to read and write, but occasionally I feel disconnected from “the real world.” Even as a seminary student, I’ve already been accused of being an “ivory tower academic,” an idea that I find laughable, but that I nonetheless take very seriously.
Also, @David, while I complain a lot about the lack of biblical language courses in KC, they do exist. While I don’t have any interest in earning a degree in biblical languages, I do want to sharpen my skills in Greek and also get the hang of Hebrew, and I am already planning on taking a couple Koine classes in the fall. But for me this is just a means to an end. I want to study the New Testament, so I have to know Greek. Some people attack that problem from a difference angle.
@Joshua: I hit that wall about once a week. I have on more than a dozen occasions felt the urge to stop blogging, stop using social media, and just detach from it all because it is all too fast, but I keep abusing myself for a variety of reasons. In your post you noted how academia makes us myopic. This is true, sadly, but as much as it is an unavoidable reality try to resist to some degree. I don’t read much fiction, for example, but I do have my favorite TV shows (e.g., Mad Men, Rev) and I watch them religiously, even read about them, because otherwise I get stuck in a rut, a depressing one! As tempting as it is to become one with the Matrix do everything possible to keep at least a few toes in reality otherwise you’ll find it can be soul-sucking.
Joshua, thanks for being vulnerable “in public”. I do think it’s wise on your part and hope others with relevant experiences chime in. My own is somewhat so, but I don’t think it would be of much help to go into that story. Rather I’ll share about some things I’m encountering in more depth re. career direction, gaining qualifications, research into specific careers and actually focusing down to specifics. I’d worked slightly with this and around it years ago in counseling and then in business/life coaching. Now I’m going much deeper.
I’m setting up a program that is designed to help both young adults finding their proper “niche” or niches, and older ones who need or want to change careers. In doing so, I’m pursuing “best of the best” resources and what their authors have learned re. all this. Frankly, my sense from what you shared is that you may need to take several weeks to perhaps several months, asap, to do some further research on yourself and about the fields you’re most likely to fit into, either with your present education or with more (possibly but not necessarily a PhD). Then from there, narrow down to the top few prospects fitting your natural abilities and interest best and also with SOME employment prospects (or something you could “invent” either as employment or self-employment). (I happen to have some viable ideas like this myself, for which I will need at least 2-3 partners, but I’m not quite ready to focus in on that and actively pursue it…. But happy to be in conversation about your situation for any help I might be and for potential future collaboration, Joshua. Email is howiepep at cox.net.)
It looks to me like Brian has some similar thinking, in terms of trusting that there are probably way more possible jobs to use his/your specialized training and abilities, etc., if a position in the larger worlds of academia or church life should prove elusive. Tho I’ve had to mainly leave my own on the side for many years, I yet, in my 60s, expect to do some of my best, most impacting work as I’m beginning to have more flexible work and income needs. As my “project” is an example of, I don’t expect to get “hired” for a position, but to still make at least a bit of money while doing something creative and hopefully very helpful for some, maybe many people. I believe there is room for many more people to do likewise. This is actually the day of changing methods and modalities for many things, and it includes education, religion, churches, etc…. creates a lot of room for different ventures.
But I have a further specific recommendation re. taking whatever time period is necessary. (I’d give myself up to a year, in case it’s needed–a LOT may hinge on it… during which you might do some low-stress even if low-paid work for at least some income… or some pulpit supply, etc. But focus on the self-analysis/research/decision-making task mainly. If you have any hard, immovable deadlines, work within whatever time frame you have until some decision or move is absolutely needed.) Finally, the recommendation: Get either the book I’m now reading through, “What Now? The Young Person’s Guide to Choosing the Perfect Career”, by Nicholas Lore and use the related website, RockportInstitute.com. Or his earlier book for older career changers as well as searchers, “The Pathfinder”, might be as suitable or more so… I’ve not gotten to see it yet. Or possible you might relate better to the style of the classic (updated regularly, including for 2014), “What Color is Your Parachute” by Bolles. Either one are quite thorough, but I’m getting the feeling Lore’s is even more so and linked directly to more detailed, often-useful assessment tools.
From both my own experience and what Lore is saying, I’d not be satisfied with even 5 or 6 of such–personality, aptitudes, interests, etc. In almost every person’s case, I believe it is well worth it to go through at least a dozen or more of the better, professional ones, and probably a bunch of the “pop” ones as well. Only a few will cost money, and they can be well worth it, esp. if carefully chosen. Also some batteries of tests for a few to sev. hundred $ may be a quicker (and/or better) approach.
My daughter and ex-wife did such a 1.5-day battery via the Johnson O’Connor Research Foundation, so I know it is high quality and in-depth, tho I’d not make it an “automatic” for everyone. And reviews on it seem to be mixed, given its $700 or so price. But what Lore’s book (Now What, and I think similarly in The Pathfinder) lays out is a very detailed and thorough system which one personalizes to take them thru all the generally-necessary (not always, but it sounds like you fit the “generally”) steps to get the kind of answers you are seeking. I am highly impressed and trust his system, though he admits it takes substantial time and requires commitment. Maybe it will be a valuable resource for you… at least for connecting to ideas and resources if you don’t decide to do his full recommendations and guided process.
I offer you perspective from a different career as every, one, of us self examine our course and choices. So in candor as you have allowed Joshua, may you obtain some support for your next career choice. I administer public utilities. Public utilities involve the entire strata of society in the everyday conduct of business to fulfill the function of government. My career experience is untypical due to the exposure involvement, “of the people, by the people and for the people.” This essential component of civilization does gift an amount of fulfillment, will not over compensate financially yet it is overall a comfortable career. The range of experiences has been the most surprising component of this career. I am not advocating in this, only relating how living imparts unexpected wisdom delivered through all manner of conveyances. Trepidation haunts the beginning but the accomplishment is the accolade. According to biblical revelation there is a superior awareness and supernatural existence. Human life is more than animal interaction with the environment; it is an expression of beliefs. May God be known and personal for there are many substitutes that take us out of the presence of God. Your study is correct, Luke 10:27
I am not a seminarian, so can’t imagine the pressures.
One thing I wonder about though is, other than it’s a demand for a degree, why is it so important to learn Hebrew or Greek now? Haven’t there been 1 million exegetes since 100 AD already?
I used to believe it was real important, last several years I think getting the context of the various narrative parts threaded together( OT to NT mainly) is where the huge insights are.
@ Patrick and all, I agree re. importance of Grk and Heb. for most people in theology. Yes, critical in Biblical Studies scholarship specifically. And at least a good exposure important for even pastors, but MDiv programs often provide that, or MATS, etc. But your point is well taken, by me at least. I’m a BIG advocate of interdisciplinary study… without some extra time and/or required units it is tough to get in what I consider essential exposure (for most PhD areas that we’re discussing) to philosophy, history/historiography, anthropology (social sciences in general), and probably some I’m not recalling at the moment. Of course, a lot of this can and should come AFTER one gets a PhD, and altho it has begun to happen a bit more, I still see far too little, and often read scholars in their various fields complain about the same thing (presumably the ones who DO have interdisciplinary interests and work).
I have not revealed what I’m about to write publicly, neither in my “real world” nor online. But given the topic of discussion this month, I think it will be a fitting time for me to out myself in a blog post.
About 8 months ago I began to sense a call to pursue academia. After 7 months of intense prayer, I finally began telling people last month, as I’ve come convinced that this is indeed God’s call. What terrifies me has been expressed by both Joshua and Brian, and it’s what I’ve read online countless times in these past 8 months – all the reasons why you should not pursue a PhD because of the high cost and dismal job prospects.
Though I don’t have any formal biblical/theological education, I can relate to a lot of what you wrote, Joshua; these anxieties have been plaguing me as I contemplate ~10 years of schooling (which I would absolutely love, so no problems there), a mountain of debt, and then a job at Starbucks. I’ve appreciated reading all the comments, but especially yours, Brian, about non-teaching job prospects as well as pursuing this path despite the realization that you might never teach.
Joshua, you certainly have a small army of sympathizers here in the blogosphere! Take heart.
I think you would be wise to follow your instincts in avoiding a pastoral vocation (at least as a senior “pastor-counselor”). It is a very particular calling, and I have friends from seminary who seemed perfect for it who have washed out in less than five years. Everyone has existential doubts and crises, but if this includes your struggling at times with “belief in God” then you’d probably do more harm than good in the pastorate — both for yourself and a congregation. (That said, there are other sorts of pastoral jobs, as Brian suggests — e.g. directing Christian education.)
I’m not quite 18 months out of my PhD program, teaching p/t and looking for work. I can attest that the warnings you read online about PhD studies and job prospects are entirely true; at this point in the market I would recommend that students make full-time, tenure-track teaching their “Plan B.” Work hard toward it, but don’t expect that it will happen. That means going into your studies with serious plans for a non-academic career, especially if you and your family are not willing to live anywhere in the country (or the world) in order to be employed in your field.
Finally: While in U.S. programs you will find a certain breadth of study in course work and exams, PhD research is specialized by definition. From this point on you should not seek to be a generalist, nor even to be very good at more than one or two things. You’ve been given a generalist base in order to specialize, so I’d say you’re going to have to pick something. (If that’s an area of NT studies, then that may entail another 1- or 2-year master’s program to improve your languages.)
If you are interested in theological ethics generally, the University of Aberdeen has a strong program. If you are interested in ethics and animals, look at the work of David Clough at the University of Chester. Studying in the U.K. can be very expensive and demanding on your family (though Brian could give you some advice on doing it at a distance), but the trade-offs include no further GRE requirements and only the languages you need to do the research project.
I would like to second Darren’s comment about specialization. A PhD program is about specializing, becoming an expert and making a tiny contribution to one tiny aspect of the field you are interested in, and learning to be a researcher. A PhD is generally not a program simply for those who would like to study more.
Thank you all for your commiseration and insightful suggestions. At this point, one of the trepidations I feel involves the shrinking market particularly for teachers who only have a master’s degree. My goal is to teach. That’s it. I don’t particularly care about tenure (though the security would be nice). I just want to share the New Testament with others at the college level. Unfortunately, because the market is so flooded with PhD holders looking for work, those who only have a master’s degree are SOL. Even juco and community college positions are being scooped up by people who have PhDs. I feel (to an extent) like I am being forced by my bare-minimum career goals to pursue doctoral work just in order to get in at the ground floor as an adjunct.
That being said, I don’t think I would feel fulfilled if I remained at the master’s level. If I feel like there is more to know out there, I will never be satisfied. Not that I think a PhD means that one knows everything there is to know, but that it further prepares a person for a lifetime of research and continued learning. I have been talking about getting a PhD since I was in 10th grade. Mom used to say it was because I wanted to be able to tell long stories without interruption.
Joshua, if you can get into a PhD program do it. You can worry about work later. I have a friend who did a PhD at Concordia and was looking for work for a while but is now with a missions group Network 211 and doing things related to his study. There are possibilities out there. Consider too academic missionary work – teaching OT or NT in a college overseas AND getting paid – in China, or Eastern Europe, – lots of places… be open! God will lead you, just follow! 🙂
I appreciate your dilemma. I am lucky in that I knew pretty early that I wanted to be a scholar in at least some aspect of religion and theology — still not sure exactly what. Now as a junior in my undergrad I am working on languages very assiduously. Hopefully this classics degree pays off.
As for overspecialization, one thing I see many scholars do is start narrow and then broaden. It’s hard to bring one discipline (Flannery O’Connor) into conversation with another (Luke) unless you are very well-grounded in one discipline. You mention Mikeal Parsons: after getting his cred down as an NT scholar, he did those books on scripture and art with a colleague in art history. It seems many scholars who do good interdisciplinary and broad work started narrow; I realized this when I looked at all the books Amy-Jill Levine has published. But 10-20 years might be a long time to wait to begin doing broad work.
As Brian mentioned above, God will lead you the way you need to go!